


in a sick world, a person that is well i don't think it's strange that he is treated a mutant

by cypher (1719)



Series: strange [3]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M, Nonbinary Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, and we're back!, he's not actually in the story he's lost to the dog park but he'll be back, hoseok and yoongi met during a bloodbath and never looked back, hoseok is an angel and angels have no concept of gender so, ive been waiting to add that tag for a while you have no idea, mentions of jungkook's attempts to seduce namjoon with his muscles and tattoos, namjoon finally gets his shit together, namjoon's gonna fix it though don't worry, seokjin: alive since the beginning of time yet still single, sope are soft, yeonjun cameo!, yoongi is disgustinly in love with hoseok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1719/pseuds/cypher
Summary: “He also announced that Buddy Holly will be performing live there this Saturday night at 11 to promote his newest album, which is called 'I'm Trapped In Between Worlds, Existing Only In the Form That You Knew Me; This Is Not Who I Am; Leave Me Alone and Just Let Me Die, Please.'”“Hyung what the fuck.” Namjoon whispered. “You- Buddy Holly is dead! How the fuck-”Yoongi reached over and gently covered Namjoon’s mouth with his hand. “It’s better not to ask Namjoon-ah. You’ve been here for months. You know this.”Namjoon just started laughing. His laugh was admittedly tinged with hysteria, but it was either this or curl up in the fetal position and start sobbing in fear. Namjoon had been resisting that urge since he arrived here and he’d be damned if he succumbed to it now.-Namjoon finally has the existential crisis he's has been avoiding since he arrived in Night Vale. Yoongi helps him through it. Jin is there to provide commentary and manifest dice. Hoseok tells the story of their and Yoongi's meet cute. Taehyung narrates the unfolding disaster. Jungkook tries to seduce Namjoon. Jimin does science.
Relationships: Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin
Series: strange [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807495
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	in a sick world, a person that is well i don't think it's strange that he is treated a mutant

“Namjoon-ah! What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing out?!” Namjoon whipped his head in the direction of the yell and saw Yoongi sticking his head out of his shop, eyes wide with disbelief. 

“I- What? Why shouldn’t I be out? I was just going to Jin-hyung’s-” Namjoon was cut off abruptly as Yoongi darted out of his shop and grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the shop, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Namjoon-ah it’s Street Cleaning Day.” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky I saw you before I finished barricading the door or else I would have left you for dead.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened as he took in Yoongi’s attire. He had a camo jacket pulled over a black turtleneck paired with black jeans and combat boots. There were black stripes painted under his eyes like Namjoon had seen American football players wear, and his bright blonde hair was tucked into a black beanie which, for some reason, had a propellor on top. 

“Help me barricade the door.” Yoongi ordered, gesturing to the filing cabinets lined up against the wall. “I promised Hoseok that I’d put as much material as possible between us and the Street Cleaners because they’re not here to save me.”

“Hyung, what the fuck is going on?” Namjoon asked desperately, but Yoongi just gestured for him to help him move the filing cabinet in front of the door.

“Hyung will explain once we’re safe. Well, as safe as we can be in this god forsaken town.” He muttered the last part with a laugh as he and Namjoon started moving the metal structure towards the door. It screeched as they moved it across the floor, grating Namjoon’s eardrums worse than the screams of City Council whenever he asked them how their day was going. 

Once they got the filing cabinet situated in front of the door Yoongi brushed off his palms and straightened up, taking a deep breath. “Hoseok went to go check on Jimin the Scientist and his scientist friends. They’re on the outskirts of town, the Street Cleaners will get to them first.”

Namjoon stared at him, then all his questions tumbled out at once.

“Hyung. What the fuck. What is Street Cleaning Day? Why are you barricading your store?” Namjoon burst out, unbelievably confused and slightly scared in a way he had unfortunately grown accustomed to being in Night Vale.

“Street Cleaning Day is arguably one of the most dangerous days in Night Vale.” Yoongi shrugged, pacing the front of the store and checking to make sure the windows were completely boarded up. “Did City Council not warn you?”

“They slipped a sticky note under my door at three in the morning saying they were leaving on a trip to Miami that they had been planning for over six months, but other than that they didn’t mention anything to me.” The sticky note had been written in Old Korean, it took him forever to try and translate using the dictionary of extinct languages Jin had given him the last time he visited to help Namjoon feed his crab. 

At the time Namjoon had no idea why Jin had given it to him. He wasn’t entirely sure why or how most things happened in this town, but he had grown accustomed to just going with the flow. 

“Night Vale survival tip number two hundred and thirty three: Whenever the City Counsel leaves for a supposedly planned vacation, shit is about to go down. Worse shit than the daily shit that goes on here.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, which Namjoon did not think was an appropriate response to his statement but he learned not to question Yoongi’s response to things. 

They all had their ways of coping. Yoongi’s just happened to be laughing in the face of certain death.

“You know, I’m surprised-” Yoongi began, but was interrupted when every radio in the store crackled to life, and a familiar haunting piano introduction began playing from every one of them. “There he is.”

“Bananas are hardly that slippery. But watch your step, anyway. Welcome to Night Vale.” Kim Taehyung’s voice filled the shop as his radio show began. Yoongi laughed to himself as he wandered off to the opposite corner of the shop. Namjoon followed after him, stumbling back when Yoongi grabbed a baseball bat and swung it over his shoulder.

“Ladies, gentlemen, you: Today is Street Cleaning Day. Please remain calm. Street Cleaners will be upon us quite soon. We have little time to prepare. Please remain calm. The City Council has issued a statement in 20 point all-caps type, saying “RUN! RUN! FORGET YOUR CHILDREN AND LEAVE BEHIND THE WEAK! RUN!” We have contacted those experts who have not already gone underground or changed their identity, and have been told that Street Cleaners focus on heat and movement, and so the best strategy is to be dead already. Then the experts all swallowed pills and fell, mouths frothing, at my feet. If you have doors, lock them. If you have windows, board them up. If you still have ears, cover them, and crouch, wherever you are. It is Street Cleaning day. Please remain calm.” Taehyung said in a tone much more upbeat than the message itself called for. Namjoon turned to Yoongi with wide eyes.

“What the fuck.” He whispered, and Yoongi smiled fondly, a distant look glazing over his eyes.

“Last time we didn’t have any warning before they descended, I almost lost three limbs and my right eye. Hoseokie saved me. It’s how we met.”

“That’s how you- is today your anniversary?” Namjoon whispered frantically, mentally running through the booklet of Night Vale etiquette he had been given his second day here and trying to remember if it was forgetting an anniversary gift that would result in ritual murder or his teeth being extracted and put into baby rattles.

“Nah, Street Cleaners don’t operate on a yearly schedule. That would be too easy. But even if it was you wouldn’t have to worry about forgetting a gift, Hoseokie and I aren’t big on teeth extraction. It’s too messy. We’re more a fingernail removal couple, so don’t forget our half birthdays.” Yoongi grinned, and Namjoon genuinely couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. He sat down on the floor and patted the spot besides him, inviting Namjoon to sit. 

“Should we be crouching? Taehyung said we should be crouching and covering our ears.” Namjoon warily glanced towards the boarded up windows as he sat down besides Yoongi. He trusted Yoongi’s judgement- he genuinely seemed like the only sane person in this town- but even Yoongi could have his moments where he didn’t react to things that could quickly kill or maim him like any person who didn't live in Night Vale would. 

“He also said the best strategy is to be dead already.” Yoongi rolled his eyes again, resting his baseball bat on his shoulder and narrowly avoiding braining Namjoon. “You can crouch if you want, but it’s killer on your knees after a while. We have a bit of time before they get here. Trust hyung, you’ll hear them as they approach. That’s when you have to be afraid.“

Before Namjoon could even begin to dissect that terrifying statement Taehyung’s voice began playing from the speakers again.

“Min Yoongi, owner of Dark Owl Records, announced today that he will only be selling music made by former Night Vale resident Buddy Holly. If you want to buy music at all, you had better like Buddy Holly. If you dress like Buddy Holly, that's cool, too.”

Namjoon swung around and stared at the shelves that usually contained a variety of vinyls from different artists which now contained exclusively Buddy Holly records.

“Why?” Namjoon raised an eyebrow, but just Yoongi smiled and shrugged. “Why does anyone do anything in this godforsaken town? Listen, he’s about to announce my date night plans with Hoseokie this weekend.”

“He also announced that Buddy Holly will be performing live there this Saturday night at 11 to promote his newest album, which is called  _ I'm Trapped In Between Worlds, Existing Only In the Form That You Knew Me; This Is Not Who I Am; Leave Me Alone and Just Let Me Die, Please. _ ”

“Hyung what the fuck.” Namjoon whispered. “You- Buddy Holly is dead! How the fuck-”

Yoongi reached over and gently covered Namjoon’s mouth with his hand. “It’s better not to ask Namjoon-ah. You’ve been here for months. You know this.”

Namjoon just started laughing. His laugh was admittedly tinged with hysteria, but it was either this or curl up in the fetal position and start sobbing in fear. Namjoon had been resisting that urge since he arrived here and he’d be damned if he succumbed to it now.

Yoongi reached over and turned down the volume on the speakers, leaving Taehyung’s voice a quiet hum in the background. It was impossible to turn his broadcast off all the way- Namjoon had tried. The broadcast would just resume playing from increasingly ridiculous places. Namjoon had once listened to Taehyung’s broadcast from his left sneaker.

“Speaking of date night, how’s that intern of Taehyung’s?” Yoongi laughed as Namjoon felt his face flush almost instantly, memories of Jungkook’s shirtless workouts in the lot below Namjoon’s window flooding his mind.

“He’s umm- he’s very fit. I’m glad he feels safe enough to practice his fitness wherever he feels comfortable in this town.” He repeated the statement he’d been giving Taehyung whenever the radio host interviewed him on his show. “He’s very fit. And tattooed. Did you know he has tattoos?”

Yoongi shook his head, amused smirk on his face. “I try not to get to know any of Taehyung’s interns, they tend to have a pretty low mortality rate. The longest surviving intern before Jungkook survived for almost a month but then Taehyung sent him to the Dog Park and he never returned.” 

Yoongi leaned back on his hands. “I think the hooded figures made him one of their own. It’s a shame, I liked the kid. Ah well. Enjoy the alternate dimension Yeonjun. May you one day return with all your limbs attached to the correct sockets on your torso.”

Namjoon wanted to ask for more details, like maybe why the fuck the dog park was in an alternate dimension, but his question was drowned out by a huge and hideous screeching from outside and Namjoon’s blood froze.

“Now would be a good time to crouch and cover our ears.” Yoongi scooted himself underneath one of the Buddy Holly display stands, leaving enough room for Namjoon to huddle next to him.

“Oh are we crouching and covering our ears? This is my favorite part of Street Cleaning Day.” A new voice came from besides Namjoon, and he jumped, slamming his head on the underside of the table as he swore viciously.

Kim Seokjin of Jin’s Eatery was sitting besides him, smiling brightly as he clapped his hands over his ears. “It’s reminiscent of the Great Shriek of ‘96.”

“Oh well if you’re here there’s no point.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and crawled out from under the table. “Fun question, which ‘96 are you referring to?”

“Min Yoongi I will not have you making shady allusions about my age.” Seokjin pouted, turning to Namjoon. “He’s just jealous of my radiant skin and timeless beauty.” 

Namjoon stared at him, wide eyed. “How did you get in- I don’t want to know. Hi hyung.”

“Hello Namjoonie. How is the mayor of Night Vale?” Seokjin reached out and pinched Namjoon’s cheek. “You need to eat more. Come with hyung once the Street Cleaners are gone and hyung will make you dinner.” 

“I was heading over when Yoongi-hyung pulled me in here and saved me from being ripped limb from limb.” Namjoon decided to stay sitting under the table. Everything felt more manageable when he was huddled under a table next to Seokjin-hyung. He could pretend he couldn’t hear screams and the awful sound of what had to be people being torn limb from limb in an excruciatingly painful manner.

Seokjin hummed and carded his hands through Namjoon’s hair, which felt very nice until Seokjin pulled his hand away and presented Namjoon with a handful of dice. Namjoon stared at them for a moment before accepting them. Each of the dice were different shades of pink and seemed to have twenty sides, but as Namjoon turned them the numbers on their sides climbed higher and higher, reaching one hundred and twenty six.

“Hyung, did you see Hoseok anywhere? They were supposed to come back and we were gonna re-enact the day we met.” Yoongi’s lips were pushed out in a pout, pacing the length of the store. “I even put on the outfit.”

“I was wondering why you were dressed so dreadfully.” Seokjin laughed at Yoongi, nudging Namjoon with his shoulder. “But no, I didn’t see our Seokie on the way over. They’re probably staying with Jimin and making sure he doesn’t kill himself trying to do Science on the Street Cleaners, you know they have a soft spot for Jiminie.”

“He’s the only person outside this room that acknowledges their existence, of course they have a soft spot for him.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, walking back over and sitting down in front of Seokjin and Namjoon. “How’s that legislation going Joon-ah?”

Namjoon blew out a sigh, wincing at a particularly loud scream coming from outside. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Every time I try to talk to City Council they all either just shriek at me in unison while devouring bricks or coo and pet me like I’m a cat while making shushing noises. I tried drafting a copy of the law and the Sheriff’s Secret Police broke into my office and replaced all my writing utensils with cake pops.”

“Ah yes, writing tools were banned a few weeks ago.” Seokjin nodded, and Namjoon lost it a little bit.

“What the  _ fuck. _ Seriously, what the actual  _ fuck _ .” He yelled, then flinched as a shriek from outside echoed his yell. “No. No, this is it. This is my limit. How am I supposed to be the fucking Mayor when I can’t even write anything down?! This fucking town is fucking insane, and I never wanted to be here in the first place! I was perfectly happy with my life in Korea, I didn’t ask for any of this! I’m so tired of being scared for my life from literally the minute I wake up until I climb in bed while stepping around the possibly radioactive substance my crab emits! I’m supposed to be leading you and making this town better but I can’t even legalize the existence of one of my only friends.” He slumped forward, head falling into his hands. “Fuck.”

He felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and Namjoon leaned into the embrace.

“Namjoon-ah, this town is different. It does it’s best to convince you up is down and left is right and if you don’t agree then it chews you up and spits you out.” Yoongi said gently. “So far you’ve refused to adhere to what it wants. You’ve been behaving like you’re the only normal person and everything and everyone else are the strange ones. And normally, in any other town, that would be fine. But here, it’s going to wear you down until you get killed.”

“He’s right Namjoon-ah.” Seokjin said. “To survive in this town, you have to make it adapt to you. City Council won’t let you acknowledge angels? Outlaw the City Council. Call a press conference and make a cootie catcher that reveals a message saying you’ve switched around Wednesday and Saturday. Make it so this town has to survive you too. It’s the only way to fight back. And hey, you might even have a little fun.”

Namjoon felt hands pulling his own down away from his face, and he looked up into Yoongi’s eyes. “You’ve been doing so well Namjoon-ah, but you can’t keep going. I know this isn’t what you wanted, but you’re here now. There’s a fifty percent chance every night you might wake up in Seoul and all this will have been a dream, but until then, like hyung said, why don’t you have some fun with it?”

“Whether or not you realize it, you are one of the most untouchable beings in Night Vale, rivaled only by Kim Taehyung and myself. You can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want and you’ll come out the other end of it fine.” Seokjin jumped in again, nudging Namjoon’s shoulder playfully. “Maybe with different color hair and a few extra limbs for a few days, but you will be fine.” 

“And if not I guarantee Taehyung’s Intern would fight Street Cleaners themselves to save you.” Yoongi laughed, and the tension was broken and Namjoon was able to laugh along with him.

“Hyungie! I heard about date night!” A new voice appeared in the record store as a blindingly bright light filled the room, announcing the arrival of Hoseok.

Hoseok took on a different form every time Namjoon saw them. He never knew what to expect whenever he saw Hoseok, once they took on the form of a twelve eyed cat, communicating through blinking morse code. When Namjoon met them for the first time they were twelve feet tall with six black wings and a single eye. 

The one constant across all of Hoseok’s forms was their heart shaped smile. Yoongi had taught Namjoon that after Namjoon had spent an entire day running after an injured crow that he thought might be Hoseok because it had a multitude of sparkly bracelets wrapped around its leg. Namjoon had been mortified, but luckily Hoseok found him adorable, booping his nose and promising that they would never run away from Namjoon. 

Today Hoseok had taken a  [ humanoid form ](https://twitter.com/AiSeeHope/status/1322492213360689158?s=20) , Namjoon discovered as he blinked the spots out of his eyes. They looked ready to go on a date or attend an awards show, dressed in a soft grey sweater with choker and black skinny jeans, their hair dyed a soft pink. The pretty outfit, though, was completely juxtaposed by the blood stains covering the front of their sweater and the dark tears dripping out of the angel’s pitch black eyes.

“Jin-hyung! You’re here!” Hoseok cheered, revealing a heart shaped smile full of sharp teeth. “And Joonie! Almost all of my favorite beings in one room! I knew hyung was going to stop by, why are you here Namjoonie?”

“Hyung saw me on the street and grabbed me, I didn’t know it was street cleaning day.” Namjoon said, unable to look away from the tears falling from Hoseok’s eyes. “Are you- are you ok? You’re crying.”

“I’m fine, it happens sometimes.” Hoseok said dismissively. “Happy first Street Cleaning day Namjoonie! You’re basically a full fledged citizen of Night Vale now!” 

“He hasn’t survived Parade Day yet.” Yoongi complained, walking over wrapping his arm around Hoseok’s waist and pressing a kiss to their cheek, uncaring of the tears. “He needs to survive at least ten mandatory government planned disasters before he earns full citizenship.” 

Namjoon laughed and shook his head, the atmosphere in the darkened shop lightened almost instantly by Hoseok’s arrival. “Technically aren’t I part of the government? I could just mandate ten planned disasters in a day and give myself citizenship.”

“He has a point.” Jin laughed, his squeaky windshield wiper laugh doing wonders to relax Namjoon. Outside the screams had faded, the bone chilling wails far in the distance.

Yoongi cupped his hands around his mouth and booed, making Hoseok nearly fall over with laughter. “He’s the establishment now. What happened to our anti-capitalism discussions? You’re just another cog in the machine.”

Hoseok kept giggling but skipped over and crawled under the table next to Namjoon, capturing him in a hug. “I’m glad you’re here and safe with us Namjoonie, I was just at Jiminie’s lab making sure he and his scientist friends were safe. Their lab is on the outskirts of town, the Street Cleaners had already arrived. I ripped off a few limbs, would’ve stayed and taken more but I wanted to be with hyung, did he tell you we met on Street Cleaning Day? It was so romantic, there were screams in the air, blood all over the streets- we really couldn’t ask for a better meet cute.” Hoseok sighed dreamily, altogether too cheery for a being that was covered in blood.

“You didn’t bring me back a Street Cleaner limb.” Yoongi complained, idly swinging his bat around. “It’s like you don’t even love me.”

“Hyungie, last time I brought you back a dismembered limb you compared me to a cat leaving a dead rat on your pillow and made me go throw it back into the desert.” Hoseok pouted, unhooking their arms from around Namjoon and crossing them in front of their chest, the black tears still steadily dripping from their eyes. Namjoon wasn’t sure if it would be rude to point them out, so he pretended not to see them and instead focused on the tune Jin was humming under his breath. It was familiar, and Namjoon realized abruptly that it was the lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he was a child.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and walked back over to Hoseok, crouching and swiping the tears away with his thumbs. He only succeeded in smearing the dark substance across Hoseok’s cheekbones, but neither of them seemed to mind. 

“It’s our anniversary, I would’ve made an exception.” He muttered, and Hoseok cooed and threw themself at Yoongi, kocking him to the ground as they pressed kisses to his face.

“Disgusting! Absolutely not! Namjoon-ah, outlaw them.” Jin groaned, throwing a hand over his face. “Do something!”

Namjoon laughed, about to shove Jin and make fun of his exaggerated response, but then he paused.

You know what.

“New mayor decree. No PDA in front of Jin-hyung.” He declared, crawling out from under the table. “Effective immediately.” 

He crossed his arms as he stood over Yoongi and Hoseok, and as soon as the last word left his lips Yoongi and Hoseok were forced apart by an invisible force, both of them falling back onto their hands.

“Rude! Joon-ah! Jin-hyung’s just jealous he’s been alive for-fucking-ever and still hasn’t got a hot date!” Hoseok protested, but Yoongi was looking up at Namjoon with a proud gleam in his eye, nodding once.

Namjoon nodded at him, a new sense of power rising in him.

He might not know how he got here, and he might not know if he’d ever be able to leave. He might not even survive the walk back to his home. 

But Namjoon was here now. Namjoon was the goddamn mayor. And if this town was going to make him fear for his life, then he would make this town just as afraid of him.

“And you know what? The existence of angels is now legal. Effective immediately.”

Kim Taehyung's voice filled the store once again, all four beings pausing to listen to his voice.

"We return you now to a safe place. The Street Cleaners have passed. Street Cleaning Day, as so many other days, is behind us. We emerge from hiding spots, from secret locations, from places under other places. We step out into the street, and it is as though it is brand new to us. Certainly, it is cleaner now, but that is not all. We have survived all the way from birth to this very moment, and we look at each other, and some of us start laughing and others start weeping and one or two of us break out into a wordless humming song, and all of us mean the exact same thing."

Jin crawled out from under the table, standing and walking over to Namjoon. Without looking over, Namjoon carefully grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. Jin stiffened, then squeezed Namjoon's hand.

"The City Council arrives, back from their long planned Miami vacation, nudging those near them and talking about silver sand beaches and the food, oh those Cubans know how to do it. Even they are accepted into the gathering, despite our usual fears, and we grip them too as friends.

"Night has arrived, ladies. Night is here, gentlemen. Night has fallen, everyone who does not fall withing the gender binary. Night falls on our weary bodies.

"And night falls on you too. You too have survived, survived everything up to this moment. Grip tight, hum, laugh, cry. Forget nothing and think many things of it. Good night. Good night. Good night."

Namjoon squeezed Jin's hand tightly, smiling as he saw Jin glance up at him from the corner of his eye.

Yeah. He had this figured out now.

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this was Namjoon having an existential crisis while people get their limbs ripped off in the background. This couldn't be as ridiculous as the last one just because Namjoon is in fact a sane person who has been internally having a meltdown since he's arrived in Night Vale so I had to address the fact that nothing in this town is actually normal like Taehyung's been treating it. Don't worry though, Namjoon's got the hang of things now. He's gonna be a fantastic mayor. 
> 
> Next time we're finally gonna be properly introduced to Jimin and Hobi, they've been waiting for a while. I'm so excited.
> 
> Anyway stream Life Goes On and Dynamite, feel free to hit me up on [ my twitter](https://twitter.com/myhopebox) or [cc!](https://t.co/jciZ9TVHOv?amp=1)


End file.
